Tuesday, February 15, 2011

One of the hardest things about being a single mom is the days when we aren't feeling well.  We have way too much to do to be sick or not functioning at full capacity.  Some of us are burdened with ailments that are a lot more time consuming and draining that the common cold.  I had gestational diabetes with all three of the kids.  I was on insulin injections with my first, my daughter, Sydney.  It came back a little earlier with the other two pregnancies.  It is on my mother's side and my dad's side.  I, along with my brother and sister, was checked for it at every yearly check up growing up.  My symptoms came back few years ago and I was diagnosed with Type 2 a little over 7 years ago.  It is a pain more than anything!  There are a lot of moms out there dealing with a lot more life threatening issues so I almost feel guilty complaining.  I also genetically inherited problems with my back and neck.  After years of dealing with intense muscle spasms in my neck and some days not being able to move if I wanted to, I had surgery this past August to repair two ruptured discs.  I have a problem with every cervical disc and now I am having problems with my low back.  It isn't new, I just thought I overused it when I would have to baby my neck.  I think I chose to ignore it, but it won't let me anymore.
I went for an MRI last week, and I have an appointment today to find out what has fallen apart now.  Again, I realize I could be going to see an oncologist, so I try to stay positive.  No matter what we all have to deal with physically it directly affects our ability to mother some days.  I have heard so many times we have to take care of ourselves before we can take care of family, but who has time for that?  I won't ever forget one day at my primary physician's office.  My diabetes had not been back for very long and I was having a hard time getting it under control.  My doctor, a divorced man with no children, looked at me and said.  You have kids you have to take care of yourself for them.  I looked right at him and said, "I don't have time to be diabetic!"  We don't have time to deal with anything unnecessary and that slows us down.  After I apologized, I had to admit he was right.
We are so busy taking care of others sometimes we don't pay attention when God is taking care of us.  I was checking my email this morning and I clicked on my daily "Sayings of Jesus".  It was Mark 5:25-34.  It is the verses about a woman who had suffered for 12 years, doctors were of no help, and she had spent all she had but got worse instead of better.  By touching Jesus' cloak in a crowd she was healed.  When he turned around to see who had touched him she fell to her knees.  We, or maybe I should say I, don't always feel deserving of being taken care of.  I think sometimes we feel some responsibility for our circumstances, whether we should or not, and feel like maybe I deserve to be dealing with what I am dealing with.  I don't think God looks at it that way.  It is very comforting to know that whether we take the time, or feel worthy, God takes the time and knows we are worthy of being "healed" and taken care of.  For that, I am truly grateful!
So, now as I get ready to go see what is wrong with me this time, I know whatever it is God will be there with me!


As someone who will do anything to avoid housework, especially when not feeling well, I thought this quote was really funny!

I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man I keep his house.---Zsa Zsa Gabor

Saturday, February 12, 2011

Weekends!

"When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice safe playpen.  When they're finished, I climb out."  Erma Bombeck



For me, the weekend is a chance to get my sanity back.  I am definitely on "low fuel" by Friday.  The free weekend that is not so crazy has become a luxury.  Most weekends are still on the go, and leaving the house in worse shape every time we head out the door.  Not to mention, instead of getting caught up with laundry, the weekend usually leaves me with loads of ball uniforms, and different changes of clothes for all the places we have been in two days.  I love it though, because I can spend a lot more time with my kids.  We get quality time even if we are running from place to place.  I am so blessed that I have my family around when I have those all too often times when two kids have to be in two places at the same time.  I signed them up for basketball in two different associations and we still had conflicts.  I am still trying to figure out how that happened! 

The trouble with the weekend is that while I am trying to re-charge, re-fuel, this is when my kids are letting out all of their energy from being in school all week.  I love the quote above because although a time out is a kid's nightmare, it is an adult's dream.  Maybe I should make a sign and put it on my door when mama needs a "time out"!  Again, I lean on family and they never let me down.  I think my mom can see it on my face (I have a wrinkle that appears and disappears according to my stress and energy level) and is always there to help.  This is when I think of my "single mom sisters" that for whatever reason don't have as many extra hands around as I do.  I have to give them extra credit for what they do on their own.  I want this to be a place where maybe those moms who are in need of extra hands can find each other. 

Friday nights sometimes set the tone for the weekend.  It can get it started off crazier than usual or in a lighter mood.  Last night was a good start to the weekend!  I thought I would try to eat a healthy snack.  (Thinking it might erase the Mexican food I had earlier.)  I looked for my watermelon and pineapple and couldn't find it.  I am thinking, good the kids ate it so they had a healthy snack.  I asked who ate it and the boys said it was old so we threw it away.  That should have been the first sign that something didn't sound right.  They would have normally just put it back in the fridge.  Besides, I just bought it and it shouldn't have been old. I knew they kept looking at each other.  A little bit later, my youngest said, with a giggle, "Funny thing about the fruit."  He kept looking at his brother.    He said, "I took out the watermelon and dropped it on the floor.  (He was laughing the whole time telling me this while the other one was looking at me with HUGE eyes.)  "Then, Shane called me an idiot while getting the pineapple out, and he dropped it on the floor!" It was funny, I had to admit.  Then, a little while later I heard a noise in the kitchen and the youngest, Stratton, yell, "Mama your cottage cheese almost got old too!"  Laughter is always a good start to the weekend!

Laughter always comforts me!  As a single mom, I cherish moments that remind me what really matters.  I want moments like these to be what the kids remember, not the hard times.

Isaiah 66:13
"As a mother comforts her child, so will I comfort you; and you will be comforted over Jerusalem."

I love this verse.  It helps me remember that I am God's child and me and my kids will be comforted and watched over by Him!  The best babysitter ever!!!!!

Friday, February 11, 2011

GULP!

When I started this blog a couple of days ago, it was in the comfort of my own home and nobody knew it was out here in cyberspace.  I just posted it on my facebook page and took a huge GULP and SIGH!  It is so hard letting people in and see any of our vulnerabilities or weaknesses, but I have a huge group of friends and supporters that made hitting that ENTER button a little easier.  I look forward to all the tips, information, and encouragement.  Although it is titled "Single Moms" I welcome any advice or input.  Parenting is hard anyway you look at it and we can never have enough help. I had a miscommunication with my son, Shane, yesterday and I have proof that there are a lot of people I can count on to help me get my kids where they are supposed to be!  It ended up being funny......  AFTER I found him and we got where we were supposed to be! I hope this becomes a place where everyone that participates leaves with a sense of comfort and confidence in what we do every day.  No matter how hard the day is when we look at our sleeping kids at night (they are always so precious asleep :) we know we mean everything in the world to our kids.  We can mess up, have a bad day, heck a bad month, and we are the world to our kids!  To be somebody's whole world is a wonderful thing to be!    

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

"If you bungle raising your children, I don't think whatever else you do matters very much." ~Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis


     This is my favorite quote.  I believe that my children are a symbol of God's faith in me as a human being and if I don't honor and respect His faith in me then nothing else I do on this earth matters.  I am a single mom and I started this blog as a way to find my single mom "sisters". Being a parent is a huge responsibility.  Even when you have a partner, circumstances can make the responsibility more difficult.  This economy has made it hard for married parents when one has lost a job, or even if there are unfortunate circumstances such as an illness.  If you are doing it right, being a parent in general is not an "easy" task.  If you find yourself a single parent, the responsibility can be downright overwhelming.  I look at my poor kids somedays and think to myself, "These poor kids are completely dependent on ME."  Sometimes it is possible to communicate with the other parent and that is a huge help for you and it is always better for the kids.  Sometimes that doesn't happen.  For whatever reasons, an unfortunate passing, an ex with a new wife and life, or someone who has yet to realize just what a blessing kids are and has totally went AWOL, somtimes moms are in it alone.  This is why I started writing this today.  Life is hard and we all can use all the help we can get!  For me, personally, I get through it all with the help of my wonderful family and through my faith in God.  I know no matter how bad things seem, my kids and I are in God's hands and it WILL be alright!  I have my fair share of panic attacks and moments when there aren't enough bad words in the world to take away the stress, but ultimately I find peace in knowing that God is on my side.  I hope to gain from beginning this blog a chance to meet some wonderful "Spiritual, Single Mom Sisters".  I didn't come into this with the intent on using this space to bash my ex.  He seems to do a good enough job ruining his character himself.  It would be easy to vent at his expense, but I know that only hurts my spirit in the end.  He has totally ruined his relationship with his kids on his own so anything that I could say would only hurt my kids.  They have his actions on their hearts enough without me driving the fact that he just doesn't seem to care about them or their well-being.  It doesn't get back at him, it reinforces their feelings that he simply doesn't care.  I hope me and my new sisters can share support, information, and stories.  We can all use shortcuts to give us more time in the day, tips on saving money, ideas for those wonderful night before it is due projects, etc.  Also, we all at some time have to face the justice system and any information on that subject is always needed.  I am in court battle right now.  I have had to pay an attorney to take my ex to court to "make" him pay child support.  I did what I was supposed to in the manner I was supposed to and they found him in willful contempt.  Well, that didn't phase him, so now I had to spend more money for my lawyer to take him back to try to "make" him pay again.  Does this sound familiar to anyone???????  I am not always the brightest bulb in the box, but according to my bank account I am more in the hole than when it started.  I don't understand why he has a choice.  I am hopeful and prayerful that the next go around in two weeks will give me a little more faith in the "justice" system, but I am learning not to get my hopes up.  I don't have a choice to pay my electric bill, my car insurance, gas for that car, or food to put on the table.  The last time we were in court his lawyer said, "He will pay as soon as he can."  Well...........that won't work if I tell my kids I will buy groceries, or clothes, as soon as I can.  My dad's favorite saying is there ain't no fair but the County Fair.  It was a lot more funny before I had to go through all of this!  I can get mad, get depressed, get down on life in general, but that doesn't help me or my kids.  I have days that I am so angry, but then I look at my kids and realize that no matter how hard it is I have them.  They matter.  He may have the "party" lifestyle and may think he is having fun, but I know better!  I am raising these wonderful, fun, sweet people that think I am the best thing in the world.  That makes everything worth it!  I also know God sees what I do everyday and as long as I have my faith and trust in him, it WILL be more than alright!!!!!





 Just being a parent in general is one of the hardest things we, as adults, can do.  Being a single parent can be downright overwhelming most of the time.  If it doesn't overwhelm you and cause you the occasional, or mayble not so occasional,  panic attack, I don't think you are doing it right!  I didn't begin this to bash my ex.  Although that would be very tempting.  If I thought very much of him I would still be married to him.  I will just say that I am 100% responsible for my children.