Sunday, May 1, 2011

Letting Go Is Too Hard

     I always thought it was hard when the kids were little.  They depended on me everyday to feed, bathe, and clothe them.  My kids are getting older and they can dress themselves, shower, and fix themselves something to eat.  (Although, this sometimes brings more of a mess for me to clean up.)  What is harder now, is that they are away from me more.  I am now facing the fact that they are out there making their own decisions and actions.  I have to just hope and pray that I have done what I was supposed to and raised them to do right.  I am very blessed.  I don't get on here much and fuss about my kids, because they don't give me any material.  They have had a rough time, been very disappointed, and had to grow up way too fast.  But, I couldn't be more proud of them.  I am fully aware that given their situation they could have easily gone the other way.  They make me so proud of the people they have become.

     Mother's Day is coming up and they give me a Mother's Day gift everyday in the things they do and choices they make.  My daughter stands by her convictions which is tough sometimes at her age.  My youngest had a couple of conflicts lately with his basketball and a class he was taking at church besides his confirmation classes.  He chose church over basketball which, I think, shows so much maturity.  My middle child, Shane, is very involved in football and basketball.  He is very athletic and puts full effort into anything he does.  He will not stop until he has done what he has set out to do. 

     Yesterday after Shane's basketball game, his coach said some things to me and Shane that made me even more proud of him.  He expressed how much he thinks of Shane and his attitude towards sports and his attitude during a game.  He told him he is a great kid and he knew he would be a great man.  He praised him on his athletic ability, but more so his sportsmanship.  He wasn't saying these things to be nice or because maybe Shane isn't as good as the other players.  He is a huge asset to his team.  (He scored 20 points Friday night and praised his other team members as if he hadn't scored a basket.  He also had conversations and shook hands with members on the other team after the game.)  It made me feel so good to hear all the things his coach said.  It really meant a lot to Shane. It is easy to show your frustrations on the court, and Shane is really hard on himself, but I am so proud that he keeps his behavior in line.  To me, that can mean as much as performance at times.

     Being a parent is hard work, but when you see your kids making decisions that make you proud, it is all worth every second of the work.  My daughter waited to get her learner's permit until she was 16 because she wasn't ready.  (Neither was I!)  She is now about to get her license, she is 17, and will be out on the road by herself.  This being my first, I am scared to death!  The driving isn't the only thing that scares me.  I am scared of her being alone at times and someone trying to hurt her.  There so many things about it that send my anxiety through the roof!  But, I know I will have to take a deep breath, and just know that God is watching over her and He will protect her. 

     Shane will get his learner's at the end of the month, so here I will go again with more fear!  It is hard letting go.  I know I have to and I want them to learn to be independent.  They are good kids and they deserve a little freedom from me, but it is so hard.

     I always enjoy each stage the kids go through.  When they were babies I thought it was the best age, then they moved to walking and talking, then playing sports and going to school.  I always thought the stage they were in at that time was the best until I would get to the next one.  The ages they are now are a lot of fun.  We can watch the same movies, have in depth conversations, and they can take care of themselves more.  It is all fun, but it just moves too fast!  Those of you with little ones that need you to do everything for them and completely wear you out, enjoy these days.  They go so fast!

     The four of us are a good little team.  They are getting older, but I don't think they will ever be far from me.  Look at me, my sister, and brother!  We live on the same street with our parents.  My parents love it, but if they had any desire to have some time to themselves, we took care of that.  We joke and say we have them surrounded!  I hope it is that way with my kids.  They can surround me as much as they want!  If not, I guess I can always follow them where ever they go!

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