Sunday, June 3, 2012
Something Is Missing
Being a single mom is hard. It can be very overwhelming at times. I love my kids more than anything in the world and they are my life so anything I do for them is just part of me and I don't consider it anything extra. That's my life above and beyond anything else. But, it isn't always easy. Even co-parenting is hard but when you are in it completely 100% alone, it is hard.
I rely on my family and they never disappoint, but the biggest thing I rely on is my faith. If God believes I can do this then I have to believe it too. He put me in charge of three very sweet, special people and I don't want to let them or Him down. I have my personal relationship with God and I have very strong convictions and beliefs, but one thing is missing. My church. I say it is "my" church because it is the only church I have ever belonged to. My children are fifth generation church members and although we need a new building, the one we are in has a lot of special memories in it for me. I say it is missing because even though it is great when a church grows it is not so great when there is total chaos in it. It has been a victim of pastors using it as a stepping stone for their own agenda and a group of members who just to be honest don't know what they are doing but making a total mess out of everything. We had a pastor that worked his tail end off getting us out of debt, ministering to the members in every way, being a great leader but fell prey to a group that, again, are clueless in their endeavor. I have lost MY church because, although I have fought and stood up for what I felt was right, I don't like to sit in a worship service with hard feelings. AND, I know that isn't very Christian of me, but things have been done that we're just simply uncalled for. These people even fight with and talk about one another.
I stuck it out hoping and praying for things to get better. I am stubborn that way, but if it is possible, things only get worse. All I know is not being in church is not okay with me. It does my heart so good that it is not okay with my kids either. If I have only done one thing right I have guided them to have their own relationship with God and they now nurture it independently. We will find somewhere new that we feel we belong and maybe one day MY church will be a much more pleasant place where people get along rather than constant chaos. Until then, I have to take care of my relationship with God and see that my kids have a place to do the same. Every day we face struggles and strife. It is easy to get caught up in things, even get bitter about things we feel we don't have control of. That's why it is so important to get reeled back in and reminded before starting another week. My outlook on the new week is totally different, so much more peaceful and positive, when I get that reminder and message of where my head and heart should be.
During all the graduation events, my favorite was the Inspiration Service. I was sitting around a lot of people that mean a lot to me. Some new friends and some old ones. The message was given to the graduates as they make their way into the world, but it was a sermon everyone in the room regardless of age could get something out of it. That is what I miss. A spiritual, inspirational message.
Here is a picture of Sydney at the service.
I started writing this blog for me more than anything, but I have gotten so much more out of it. I have met through here some great people I probably wouldn't have met otherwise. Like I said above, being a single parent is very hard and I certainly believe in helping each other in any way we can. We all have different situations and bring our own ways to help one another to the table. In my post yesterday, I put a link at the bottom of the page. I briefly looked at it before adding it, but I have had time to read more of it. This is a really neat lady who has a lot of positive and encouraging things to say.
Her address is www.katdasilva.com.
She gives personal help and has a really good blog that is very honest about some of the things single moms face. I just wanted to add it again because if we don't help and support each other it makes a difficult situation even more overwhelming and isolating. If any of you have information you think would be helpful please post it in a comment.
Kat has some very good quotes on her page, but I think I like this one the best:
"Remove those 'I want you to like me' stickers from your forehead and, instead, place them where they truly will do the most good - on your mirror!"---Susan Jeffers